EP4 School's here, take care of your neighbor.

This has nothing to do with this episode, or maybe it does, but a couple years ago I went to Costa Rica on a fitness and adventure retreat with a group of women. It was everything and awesome and yes I wish I was there right now. But I surfed while I was there and got to experience first-hand the metaphor, “ride the wave”. You can’t surf if you’re resisting the waves, in fact, the more tense I was, the more I tried to control the outcome, the harder it was for me to get up on the board and ride. I had to relax, trust myself and on some level, let go of control in order to ride the waves. I loved it. Love love loved it. I loved it so much that I came home and told my husband we were moving to an exotic coast so I could live out my destiny as a Billabong Ambassador and cool surfer chic. Ha!

School’s started (or starting soon for some of us) and I don’t know about you, but I’ve been dreading this next phase of the pandemic and I’m tired. I’m really tired and really want this race to be over.

I don’t like chaos, but I’ve learned that sometimes you need to put on your big girl panties and get in the chaos and get things done. I’d been avoiding the school conversation because there were so many unknowns and it felt chaotic to me (and quite frankly it is completely chaotic), but reality came, it’s here and it needed to be addressed. I started slowing my thoughts and expectations way down and I created space to think about my family, think about our needs and think about what makes the most sense to us.  It helped me to think about the things I can control and the things I cannot…

What I can control right now: how I help my kids, how I help my family unit and myself, what I focus on, my attitude and how I help my neighbors

What’s out of my control? Everything else.

Our district is requiring remote learning for the first 4 weeks and we had the choice to do remote or in-school learning for the following 5 weeks. We chose remote for those next 5 weeks and I honestly have no idea if that was a good or bad decision…and I really hate that we’re having to make a decision like this. It’s one of the worst feelings. I don’t know what’s going to happen in a month; I don’t know what’s gonna to happen in 5 months. There’s so much information out there and the noise is awful and it’s hard to decipher any truth in any of it. It’s insane. But, we made our decision and we’re moving on.

We created special work spaces for the kids. We found two small desks and a couple chairs on Amazon. My kids love textures so the chairs are velvet and I surprised them with a fuzzy blanket that they can sit on or wrap up in or whatever in. I know that being able to give them things they love is a privilege and while it puts a smile on their face and making them happy makes me feel good, too.

We didn’t spend a lot of money – we created their spaces with intention and purpose. What was important was creating a positive feeling for them when they think about school or sit at their desk to work. I actually cleaned out their rooms and surprised them with their learning stations. It was a fun, simple and special thing we got to experience together. We want them to know we’re here for them, we understand how their feeling and we’re all in this together. We’re creating A LOT of space to just be with all our feelings right now and it’s stretching for all of us.

We’re also thinking about the teachers and want to make sure our kids understand how hard they’re working to make sure each student is taken care of. We’ve talked to them about respect and what that looks like right now and how everyone’s doing this new thing together. Can I also say how reassuring it was to see our teachers excited to be in the classroom? I know it’s a mixed bag and not every teacher wants to be in the classroom. I have empathy for all the teachers – they are being tasked with an incredible amount of work. I just noticed how I felt when I saw happy faces smiling back at my kids during their meet the teacher Zoom calls and felt really thankful for their energy.

Because there is so much out of my control right now, I decided to funnel my energy toward creating a connection with my kids and special place for them to do their school work. It’s not about money and buying all the things, it’s about the intention and purpose behind it. If you don’t have extra money to spend on a new desk, I wonder what you could find in your home…. Color on a piece of paper and place it at the dining room table where the kids will do their remote learning. Decorate a cup for them to use as their pencil holder. Make a special morning drink (like we drink coffee or tea) and have it ready for them when they sit down to start school. We have what it takes to be successful in this season. Scrap the idea of success that you have in your mind, the familiar and known way of succeeding because I’m 99% sure it won’t look like that—letting go of expectations might be one of the keys to navigating this season. And changing the expectations based on the needs of each day will be helpful, too.

This isn’t a simple process and I’m certainly not the expert. Shit could hit the fan on day 4 and not stop until Christmas. It could also be mostly ok with only a few hiccups along the way. It could be the best experience for you and your family. Everyone is all over the map and will continue to be. Whatever it looks like for you, is not wrong or right. It just is. Everyone else? Just stay in your lane.

As far as what I’m doing for myself? I’ve coached myself multiple times and will continue to do so – this isn’t normal, it’s not supposed to be normal, it won’t look like how I want it to look, I shouldn’t have to do this, but I AM doing this, my kids will be ok, we’re going to be ok, I’m not alone, we’re ALL experiencing this together.

I’m prepared to shift every day—once a day, twice a day, 14 times a day, whatever’s needed. I’m expecting a certain level of chaos every day and will be incredibly thankful for the smooth days and smooth moments. I’m also prepping my self-care routines because I know I’ll need the support.

Some self-care tips: if you can, think ahead. I do better when I eat good-for-me foods, so if I know I’m headed into a stressful week, I make sure I have what I need in the fridge before the week begins. Moving my body is incredibly important to my mental health, so I schedule my workouts ahead of time and create accountability for myself (I like to make a simple calendar that I can tape to the fridge and then check off each day that I complete a workout); I also cancel a workout if my body needs rest (the key is listening to your body and then giving it what it needs); I like red wine and depending on the circumstance, I’ll buy a nicer bottle that I normally wouldn’t buy and use that as a respite throughout the week. I also like caddy, trashy, glamorous TV, so Bravo is definitely a go-to. My current favorite is Selling Sunset, but I binged watched season 3 and am eagerly awaiting season 4. Cookies, fast food, and sitting on the couch feel food in the moment, but for me, they don’t give me the care that my mind and body really need. It’s a dance, but over the years I’ve learned what truly helps me and what doesn’t. Find out what works for you, make a list and then refer back to the list often.

A friend of mine posted on Facebook that she Venmo’d their teacher $10 so he could grab a Friday cocktail. YES, YES, YES. Let’s do more of this, y’all. You could Venmo money so they could get an item off their Amazon wish list or so they could grab dinner from their favorite restaurant.

We’re all choosing different things for our families and we’re doing what we need to do to get through this school year.

Some families have two parents who both (want or need) to work and they have to manage those feelings AND logistics—we’re gonna support them. Some families have one working parent and one who can help with school—we’re gonna support them. Some families have both parents working out of the home and they feel incredibly stressed about everything (or they’re both totally ok and have it all covered)—we’re supporting them. Some families have one parent who works and has to figure out the school thing while also carrying the financial weight of the family—you guys, we’re bringing these families dinner.

Extend grace to yourself and to your neighbor. I read a definition of grace that called it “unmerited mercy.” That’s good, y’all.

I don’t know what will happen tomorrow and neither do you, but I know we’re gonna be ok. And your decision is ok and so is mine.

Listen to music. Take a break. Call a friend. Grab a glass of wine… Let go of everything you thought would happen right now, especially the expectations of this school year. Ride this wave and do your best not to resist it. Take care of yourself and most of all, take care of your neighbor.

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